10 questions for the author of DearQueer
Candra Anaya is the author of a new advice column on Medium about love, being gay and loving people who are
Sebastopol writer Candra Anaya, who is by turns upbeat, funny and heartfelt, has pursued several career paths over the course of her 50 years. She co-owned and ran Milk & Honey, the goddess store in downtown, for a decade. Diagnosed with several life-threatening diseases, she delved into holistic healing and is now a certified clinical hypnotherapist, Reiki master and energy healer. Last year, desiring to be of service and to support the queer community, she began writing a relationship advice column called DearQueer on Medium.
What inspired you to begin writing DearQueer?
I finally realized that I have a passion for writing. I love writing so much, and I really do have an inner psychologist for sure. Marrying the two and being able to offer it freely to the community felt kind of like a nice marriage between all the things I was wanting to donate my time to and to be of service to, and also to feed my own passions of writing and psychology.
What kind of advice do you offer your readers?
I struggled for quite a bit on a tag line to have with DearQueer, playing around with different words like “relationship advice” or “advice about love.” I finally settled on “Gayly giving advice straight from the heart.” I wanted to include the words “gay” and “straight,” and also tell people that the advice that I give really is coming from the heart.
I genuinely care about humanity and I care about individuals, and I think that a lot of folks are suffering in a lot of ways, big and small. And if there is anything that I can offer in the realm of easing the suffering for someone, even if it’s just a few minutes of laughter because they find something that I’ve written funny. I try to include humor in the medicine I deliver.
What is your most quirky personality trait?
I’m the type of person who complete and total strangers tell their life stories to. I’ll be getting gas and somebody just walks up to me and is like, “Hi, I almost died when I was 7.” Literally. It’s like people just lay it out there. I’ve been teased by my wife and my former partners and whatnot. Even just going out to dinner with me, they’re going to hear the life story of the waitress or the person at the next table.
How did people first hear about DearQueer and how did they know how to contact you?
When I first started the column I cast my net out wide amongst my friends on social media. I’m in several different writing groups and said, “Hey, I wanna get this column going, can you all come up with some questions for me so that I can make it authentic and real and go for it?” And they all pulled through and I got my column started and then once I did, I joined a bunch of different groups on social media where I post religiously every single month.
Where is DearQueer “officially” published? And how can people read it and ask you questions?
DearQueer is published once a month on medium.com, and you can find me at www.candraanaya.com and submit questions through the DearQueer page on the website. It usually drops between the first to the 15th of each month.
What is the most serious question you’ve been asked?
The most serious question I’ve been asked has definitely been the gentleman from the U.K. who was wanting to collaborate on how to help end rape culture and wondering what he as a male can do from his perspective.
What is the most comment question you get?
The very first comment that was made was, “I’m a straight person. Can I ask you for advice?” And that comment has been made in some way, shape or form to me all along. Each month when I go on to social media to promote DearQueer, there’s always somebody out there saying something to that tune. And the answer is “Yes, I am open to giving advice to everybody.”
What are some other examples of questions people have asked?
There has been a lot around understanding or bridge-building between queer and straight people. I’ve gotten a question from a father whose son came out. “Is being gay a choice?” was his actual question. So he was trying to educate himself as a father, trying to love his son, but being raised with his own biases and grappling with that.
I’ve gotten multiple questions on relationship issues.
I had somebody who was being bombarded by text messaging. She was in her 40s and she hadn’t dated since her 20s, and so she wasn’t used to the constant text messaging.
I had one woman who was involved with a widow and she really could see herself long term living with and marrying this person, but the person was still in so much grief around losing their original spouse that it was standing in the way of their relationship progressing.
I’ve gotten some really heartfelt questions. It’s been quite an honor.
What is your favorite thing about writing DearQueer?
I would say hands down, I love being of service to people. I have really wanted to do something for the queer community for pretty much my whole life, and I’ve never had the time or the space or the opportunity to do that. And so it just felt like time, turning 50 this year and realizing I want to be giving back to my community. There’s a lot of incredible people out there doing incredible things, and there are also a lot of people out there still really suffering.
What other writings can we expect from you in the future?
I co-authored a book last year, called The Life-Changing Power of Self Love – An Essential Guide, that ended up becoming a bestseller on Amazon, which is cool. It was me and ... I think there’s 22 of us all together. I’m Chapter 11, and Chapter 11 is called Synergize Science with Soul. And it’s my story on how I beat a one-in-a-billion statistic with some pretty hefty health scares.
And then I have been working religiously on my first memoir, Invincible: A Debut Memoir, and I’m on my fourth revision. It’s the same theme I wrote about in the self-love book. I was diagnosed with MS, and then within a few months of that I was also diagnosed with multiple brain tumors and then a really, really rare form of cancer. So it was a triple shot of the worst news that you could be given, in multiple directions. I had a two-year prognosis if I didn’t do any medical intervention. Long story short is that I’m now 11 years cancer-free, and I’ve had five brain surgeries! It’s been quite the journey.
BONUS QUESTION: What is the meaning of life?
Finding and following as much joy as you possibly can. That was a hard question!
