Diary of a Kidney Donor: How Do You Ask?
In Part 2 of this series, Michael Fels wrote an email to ask if anyone would donate a kidney to his life partner, Jesada "Wee" Simla.
In March of 2024, Michael Fels sent out the following email to about 60 people he knew, wondering how to ask another person to become a kidney donor for Wee Simla.
March 22, 2024
Although writing usually comes easily to me, I'm faced with a situation that has me scratching my head.
My life partner, Jesada “Wee” Simla, has end-stage renal disease (ESRD) and, since December 2019, he’s been treated with peritoneal home dialysis. Wee is enrolled with the University of California Davis (UC Davis) Kidney Transplant Center, where the eventual kidney transplant will take place. His kidney health is monitored by them as well as by the Nephrology Department at Kaiser Santa Rosa.
Although peritoneal dialysis helps to manage Wee’s condition, the median waitlist time at UC Davis through the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) is 4-6 years. The longer he waits, the greater are the possibilities for further medical complications.
Kidneys acquired through UNOS come from recently deceased donors. Although we would welcome such a donation, a kidney received from a living donor produces potentially superior outcomes, both in terms of the longevity of the kidney and of the recipient.
By now I’m sure you’re wondering if I’m asking YOU to give Wee a kidney – after all, most of us have two and we only need one!
The short answer is, “yes.” If you could donate a kidney to Wee or donate a kidney in his name (there’s a national kidney “banking” system so it’s unnecessary that the living donor be a direct match with Wee), it would be extraordinary. But I know that’s a tremendous “ask” – a true needle in a haystack. But, with that in mind, please do let me know if you’d consider being that needle!
For the rest of us, there are things we can do to help Wee or others who live with ESRD. Below, I’ve listed some possibilities. Please choose at least one and act on it – it could well be a life changer.
With sincere and deep gratitude,
Michael and Wee
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HOW CAN I HELP?
If you have two kidneys – my dad was born with only one – are in reasonably good health and would at least consider donating, please click here for clear and comprehensive information about the process.
If, after reviewing the information in number 1, you think that donating a kidney is a possibility, then please complete a donor health questionnaire at: https://ucdavislivingdonor.org.
You needn’t be related to Wee. You needn’t be a good “match” or even be compatible with him, and you needn’t live in the Sacramento area. With paired exchanges, a similar donor-recipient pair is found who then exchange donors, allowing both recipients to receive a live donor transplant.
If, for any reason, donating a kidney isn’t a realistic option, then please forward this letter to as many of your friends, family, and acquaintances as possible. The more people who know of Wee’s need, the better are the chances to find a living donor.
Consider becoming a “Donor Navigator” for Wee or for someone else with ESRD. A Donor Navigator is a person who, like me, helps to boost the patient’s chances of receiving a kidney transplant by sharing his story, informing others about living donations and connecting potential donors with the right resources. To learn how to be a “Donor Navigator” please click here.
The UC Davis Kidney Transplant Center will gladly accept contributions that help support its work. Please click here to learn more.
Can we talk? In person? On Zoom? On Skype? On WhatsApp? On the phone?
Drop me a note and we’ll set up a time that’s good for all of us.
Thank you!
Michael
Cynthia McReynolds saw this email and responded to Michael’s letter that she was willing to donate one of her kidneys.
In Part 3 of Diary of Kidney Donor: Can I donate my kidney?, Cynthia undergoes a medical evaluation to learn if she is compatible donor.