This guy has been walking around town for years. Turns out he’s been here, sometimes on and off, since he was five years old. I see J out and about, happily going down the street, almost always with a smile or a wave, and wanting to connect in some way. 

I’ve just about recovered from having the Pine Cone Restaurant close down. Not quite. Fortunately, we now have The Sunshine Cafe on S. Main, which is the next best thing or maybe even better. I’ve seen J serving tables there, Sebastopol’s most underrated diner (great omelettes, a decent burger for the price, reasonable diner coffee, nice people), where he really hustles from table to table. After J was clearing my plate a few weeks ago, I asked him where he has been staying recently. He looked at me like he couldn’t believe I didn’t know and said, “In my car.” 

“How many others around here are doing that?” I asked. 

“I’m not sure. Probably 12 or 14 of us,” he answered. 

Here’s more from and about J. 

Where and when were you born? 

3/17/81, I’m 41. Born at UC Irvine, The City of Orange.

What about your family? 

I’m the first born son of my dad. He was married a few times. There were 14 of us altogether. There were six girls in front of me. My mom, sadly, committed suicide when I was three months old. On Mother’s Day no less. The step-mom didn’t really work out. 

I’m so sorry. How did you get up here to Sebastopol? 

We came to the area when I was five. My dad wanted to get the fuck out of LA. He was a truck driver. Worked for Silva Bros. Trucking on Cherry Ridge Rd. Dad was a Marine for eight years, dishonorably discharged for a little weed. He did six months county, six months military. A year and a day, and then he couldn’t vote. He was very political. He hated all the presidents except for Reagan and Bill Clinton. 

Why did he like those guys? 

They took care of us white guys. He loved the fact that Reagan brought down the wall and Clinton brought down taxes for the middle class. 

Are you in touch with your siblings? 

Yes, all except for Andrew. He’s doing time for heroin abuse up in Spokane. 

I went south too. When my girl left me and took my son away that sent me off. He’s eight years old now, and I don’t get to see him. I fell apart then. It was three years ago. I got into drugs, and it messed me up. I did two years at county jail. They weren’t sending people out then because of the pandemic. 

I got out, and then right back in when a guy pulled a knife on me and I defended myself. 

But I’m free and clear of drugs now. 

How did you do that? 

Free will. 

Do you go to AA or NA meetings? 

No. It doesn’t work for me. Rehab didn’t either. I just did it on my own. 

I know you work over at The Sunshine Cafe now. What do you like most about that? 

Yeah, I’m a server over there. What I love most about it is that my customers make me laugh. The food is pretty good too. 

You told me that you sleep in your car these days. It’s been freezing these past few nights. How do you stay warm? 

Well, I use the heater every now and then, and I’ve got a good bag. You know I’m only 5’3”, so the back seat is perfect for me. 

I’m trying to find a room. Tonight I’ll actually be in a motel room down in Rohnert Park. A customer who knows my situation, bought it for me. Human kindness is the best way to be. 

Do the local police give you a hard time sleeping on the street? 

They usually leave me alone, but they’ll often check up on me. They’re good cops just trying to do their job. I appreciate their check-ins. I get to talk to someone. 

Do you use the showers over at the Sebastopol Christian Church for keeping clean? 

Yes, I do. They always take good care of me, and with no obligation to pray or anything. They’re just being good people. Twenty to thirty people use those showers twice a week I’d say. We get a meal, and they send us off with a lunch for the next day. 

Your favorite meal? 

Chicken fried steak. From anybody who makes it right. 

Favorite memory of old Sebastopol? 

When the kids used to hang out and do “parking lot pimping” in the Rite Aid parking lot. We weren’t really pimping, but liked calling it that. It was a big hang out. We had pagers and would use the pay phone in front of the Pine Cone to connect with each other. Way before cell phones. 

How has town changed the most? 

Well, The Barlow changed a lot of things. I like to say the town is yippied out now. People aren’t quite hippies, and they aren’t quite yuppies, but something in between. 

What hobbies to you enjoy? 

Skating. I ride an electric skateboard that can go 44 mph. I’ve gone down a lot, but I always get up. 

A favorite book or game? 

I play Aggravation every Monday night down in Petaluma. That’s my game. … My book is the Bible. I’m stuck on something in Chronicles right now. It was my mom’s favorite book too. 

Do you have any particular goals or dreams? 

I do. (J answers without hesitation.) To get my son back into my life.  And I’d like to go to school again. I went to Le Cordon Bleu, a culinary academy in Portland. I got an associate degree in culinary arts. I’m actually a chef. 

I’d like to study electric motors now, and make the world a better place. 

Okay, just two more. If you had an extra hundred bucks, what would you use it for? 

I’d buy a gift for someone special. Some gas for the car, and maybe a meal somewhere local like The Grateful Bagel or Thai Pot. 

Finally, what are you grateful for J? 

For God bringing me into this world and not taking me out yet. 

I say that to myself every morning, out loud, with an Amen at the end. 

At the end of our conversation, J had to hustle off back to The Sunshine Cafe. It was after his regular shift, but someone didn’t show up and there was a stack of dishes piling up and waiting for him. 

He wanted to close our conversation with a riddle.

“What three words are said too much, meant by few, but wanted by all? … It’s 1, 4, 3. That’s old school pager talk for ‘I love you.’”