Speed Friending comes to the Sebastopol Senior Center

It gets harder to make friends when you're older...now there's a new way to do it

I don’t know about you, but I need more friends. More people to walk with, to have tea with as a break on a busy afternoon, to talk with about books and movies and life. Mostly it’s my own fault – I work all the time, and I’m not great at keeping up with people. The COVID years saw some of my social connections dwindle and fade away to nothing. Several good friends moved out of the area.

Strengthening my social connections was my New Year’s Resolution this year, and that’s why I jumped at the chance to go to the first “Speed Friending” event at the Sebastopol Senior Center. (OK, I admit that I thought it would make a good article.)

Speed friending is the platonic version of speed dating—and it’s a combination of serial job interviews and an episode of Survivor—but nicer.

Much nicer.

Actually, it was a blast.

The event took place in the cheerful yellow dining room at the senior center. There were 12 women and one man (brave soul), most of whom didn’t seem to know each other.  I’m in my early sixties, which put me at the lower end of the age demographic of this particular event.

The organizer, Carrie Conlon, gave everyone a green or purple name badge. People with the purple badges were assigned to numbered tables. They would stay at those tables while people with the green badges would move from one table to another, chatting for seven minutes before—[sound of chimes]—moving on to the next table.

Conlon decided to stage the event at the senior center, in part because she was dismayed when she discovered that she (just about to turn 50) had aged out of a Speed Dating event at a local watering hole.

“So I thought, ‘You know, there's a lot of people that would really benefit from this kind of in-person meet-up,” she said. “And then I thought about all the research done on human connection and how important it is for overall health and I thought about of the pandemic and how people are getting frustrated with online dating and how our social groups get smaller. So, I thought let’s come together and create a space for people to come and meet other like-minded people that are all there with the same intention.”

When we picked up our badges we also got cards with ice breaker questions as prompts if the conversation flagged, but in my experience no one used them.

Conlon also gave everyone a card on which they were supposed to write down the names of the people they’d like to meet with again in the future. After the event, she compares the cards and sends out an email to the matches (people who’ve listed one another on their cards). This is the Survivor aspect of the event. Potentially socially brutal.

Conlon, who also runs speed dating events through her company, Just Smitten, has a background in human resources, volunteer coordination and event planning.

“That all kind of blends together for me to be able to bring people together,” she said. “I think I have a really good sense of connection, and also just making people feel at ease. The other part of this with me is to encourage people and let them know I'm there to support them. Because it's hard sometimes to show up, not knowing what's going to be on the other side of the table.”

What’s her advice about preparing for speed friending or speed dating?

“This is just an opportunity to be curious,” she said. “Don't come in with expectations.”

Diana Alstad, who’s relatively new in town, came as an experiment. “I found it a good, unusual and quick way to meet people,” she said. “I enjoyed it a lot and want to do more!” 

I found it the same. Would I do it again? Perhaps. I think I’ll meet with the folks that matched with me and decide after that.

This week’s event was the first of three Speed Friending events at the Senior Center. The next ones are on Oct. 18 and Oct. 25. Depending on how those turn out, it might become a monthly event.